twin·kLe ('twi[ng]-k&l)

Having A Hard Time Adjusting...

I'm having a really hard time adjusting :-(

You know me, I am a literary prose writer. I write novels. I bullshit my way through a plot or a storyline or whatever. Screenwriting is just so different. It's like you're constrained and you're choked in to a tiny space where there is no room for expression and bullshit, and any form of creative writing is actually frowned upon.

"Overwriting," they call it.

Humbug.

Screenwriting is so concise. So sharp. So crisp. Direct-to-the-point no beating around the bush kind of shit.

I'm still having a hard time adjusting, but aside from that, everything else here is fine. Film class is kinda dull & boring. Have to prop up matchsticks on my eyelids just to keep awake, specially through the dreaded 3rd or 4th hour...*shivers*

So far, out of all my classes, I find Editing the least unbearable. The other classes just seem to go on and onn and onnn and fucken onnnn. At least with editing, you get to do your own shit. more room for creative license. more thinking and more direct, hands-on kinda creativity. which is what i originally came here for.

I was not born for the classroom.

I am one of those people who cannot bear being caged for long periods of time.

I Met Jesus At The Tiki Bar...And He Told Me To Quit Smoking

Today I asked Jesus for a stick of cigarette. He told me he had quit smoking--for 3 weeks now--and since then has felt more healthier and he could breathe easier too. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say sorry for being out, and he took his bottle of beer and walked on the beach towards the horizon.

 

--

That night got me thinking. As I lay in bed inhaling through my tar-laden lungs, I can't help but ponder how much impact Julian (Jesus) had on me. Is it because I found so much wisdom and logic in the simplicity of his deliverance? Or is it because he looks so much like Jesus Christ, so I felt as if the sovereign Lord himself has come down to warn me about the perils of smoking and the joy of quitting--face to face.

Whatever. It was a slap on the face (like a--WAKE THE HELL UP, REGEENE & smell the flowers & not tobacco!!!)

---

When WAS the last time I expanded my diaphragm to a full set of fresh healthy air? I almost feel depressed when i try to remember what it was like during my PRE-smoking era.

WHat IS it like to breathe like a kid again..?

The deterioration of the lungs is so gradual you hardly notice it...like a frog that slowly cooks to its death in a pot brought slowly to a boil.

I mUSt escape before the capitalists of the tobacco industry tighten their grip.

----

So there. I said to myself, maybe I should try this "no more smoking" kind of thing..and not just occasional, i mean for GOOD.

GOOD luck to me on that.

All The Lonely People

My mind is too drained. It is too numbed. Unexplained feelings of emotion wash and wave over me. Texts overlapping words. Sounds overlapping meaning. Until all is washed up in a jumble of confusion that leads to nowhere but empty pictures of glimpses from the memory.

 

I met this guy David Kitson who lives on the same floor as I do (three doors down, like, literally). He’s only here for a while (model month, probably. He’s an intern, I think) and I swear he is one of the most amazing guys I have ever met. I say this not because I am attracted to him (physically) or anything. I say this because he is one of the most interesting minds I have ever encountered. He is one of those special people God endowed with a naturally gifted, talented mind (which I seriously envy). I truly believe his brain is hardwired for art. He is just overflowing and brimming with creativity (and madness) which really turns me on and what draws me to him.

 

I’m attracted to people because of their personality and thought, I always kept telling Maaike. She just doesn’t find anyone attractive around here. But sometimes you have to dig deeper. It’s not all the outward or physical attributes that call for attention. Sometimes you really have to sit down and share a beer with someone to get to know them. It’s not until you’ve talked about giant squids and swings in the middle of the ocean do you really get to know how one’s mind works.

 

He remembers all his dreams. Which I think could only be expected from someone with a brain like his. He says the left size of his brain is just dominating, and that’s the creative artsy side in all of us. His right side is overpowered, and that’s the “focus” part of him, I guess. So he lacks focus. I can relate to him so much. How many times have I mentioned just starting half-assed stories and leaving them unfinished?

 

I look outside the window as Maaike just asked me question. I never noticed it was dark. Again. Time flies by so fast here. I don’t understand.

 

The sky is in a depressing hue of blue mixing with the fastly receding shades of red and orange. The silhouette of the trees outside our window is framed perfectly as birds fly by in the horizon. It is beautiful. I love it like this. I hope it stays this way forever.

 

Once again my train of thought strays. (AS usual).

 

 

I used to be so out of it (“it” being the creative juice/spunk for blogging (either that or just totally “out of it”—out of it being out of energy)), but then when I read interesting blogs or articles of other people, or hear something inspiring or amusing, then I am fueled to put down my thoughts as well—no matter how cluttered it may be.

 

 

I really fancy people. No, really I do. I don’t fancy them for anything outward, really. I am amazed by the human brain and the art of interaction. I believe we were borne in to this world not to be doomed to the eternal damned life of a hermit. We were here to coexist with our fellow human, no matter how weird, insane or normal they may be.

 

I can’t tell you how much I wish I could just tear open one’s skull and walk all over someone’s brain and pick at it to my heart’s content. I want to know so much about so many things. As Dave put it one time, “it’s like I’m building just little piles of pennies rather than stacking them all up in one quantity. So in the end I end up with so many half-stacked pennies scattered all over the place and not really one solid stack.”

 

He is such an interesting fellow. I will try to get permission to rip some of his art and post them here. If I don’t get permission, I’ll go ahead anyway and post it :-)

Cebu is such a beautiful city. Last Saturday we went for a tour all over the metro. Really beautiful. Should be able to post a considerable amount of photos from that trip once I get in touch with everyone (in the class).

 

The only thing, the MAIN thing, that really irritates me about Cebu is how ALL workers seem to be the slowest people at their jobs, ever!!! It doesn’t matter whether you are at the groceries, at the department store or ordering your food in any restaurant or café, all of them seem to work at the same tortoise-like pace. I don’t get it. My roommate Maaike doesn’t get it either. She says she thinks it’s weird. I think so too. Although I AM from the Philippines, people from Davao (specially in Manila) move a whole a lot faster than the people here in Cebu do. They HAVE to! Otherwise, every minute you would lose a customer. Time is gold. (In our industry, Time is MONEY. And each minute wasted could cost you a thousand dollars!)

 

Okay. I am really distracted now. I am only on the 1st page of my MOS project. Damn. Just can’t help it.

 

Dave sent me a short script he wrote. Damn. I don’t know where/when he started making it, but it’s really good and it sure as hell beat some of the scripts written in my class and we spent like weeks working on ours. See how creative he is? People might think I’m talking way too much about him here, but no, seriously. I admire a lot of people here at Bigfoot and I just wish I could introduce you guys to all of them. But time (and effort) permitting, it just doesn’t materialize. I’m either too tired or too out of it. Coming here was one of the best decisions I ever made.

 

I think I am a “mirror person”. I forgot how they call it medically but it was on HOUSE one time. There’s this girl who’s just like a sponge (an empty cartridge, as how I put it in a previous blog) and she takes on the personality of any dominant person she meets.

 

In Billy’s (Vasilios Blioumis) directing class, I feel so endowed and creative I was practically etching my ideas on to my notebooks. I remember doing a sketch of Billy in my notes and I only really do that to people I am inspired by. Billy is such a great guy. Maria tells me he is actually f*ing smart and he’s done & accomplished so much back in Europe. I wasn’t surprised, though. He’s a real cool guy.

 

I also did a really cool doodle of “David’s World”. Sadly enough though, I lost the f*cking notebook (my little black notebook of ideas).

 

 

More later when my thoughts feel they are more sorted out. A few mates came over and we smoked a bong in the bathroom. So there you go. Yes I am high. But at least I am still doing my papers in the background (well. Sorta. At least!)

 

Nobody’s perfect.

 

 

(I spent just like an hour on this blog and already it’s 3 pages long. I’ve been working on my MOS for a week and I haven’t even breeched the first page boundary. Why is this so..???)

 

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“As high as a balloon in the sky
watching the clouds pass by
keeping an eager eye
on all that is mine
and all that i see
is glittery
like an electro tree
shedding foil leaves
for you and me…”

 

- D G H Kitson 

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